11.2015

As chris Gigi renee and I head to the woods, i reflect on the events that recently occurred in France.  

Our Neice Margot is in France.  

We have been so excited for her opportunity to see the world.  Thanks to social media, we know she is safe.   But it puts some perspective on so many things.  

I believe that this experience will connect her to France in so many ways.  I am sure she is learning and helping others. She is such a kind smart girl.  Margot’s drive has already impressed me in so many ways.  I look forward to continue to watch where her passion takes her. 

Farnets lineage connects us to the past and future of France! 

  

Hello darkness my old friend. 

As winter begins to be felt here in my bones. I will miss the days of more light.  Will we hibernate like the bears or explore like the elks. 

Some years the winter is a great time to reflect others is a time to find new adventures.   

I feel like this winter will come with lots of reflection and some new adventures.  

At points our whole family wants to head out on an outward bound adventure.   Maybe I will start saving and training for that. 

Our minds and bodies must train for the adventures in our life. 

My mind has been very occupied this year with lots of changes 

Work changes.  Famiky dynamic changes to many of the family units we consider family. 

Redefining who is our family andlearning  how to grow our relationships so that we can maintain and continue our relationships with the ones we love. 

I do believe relationships can have good moments and bad moments. But I hope to have more pleasant experiences with the ones around me and the ones I love.   

So my debate today is do we plow off chores and go to the woods.  Could we pull it off or will it be too much going for us.  Will we come back rested and rejuvenated?  Or tired and exhausted to face school and work.  

Should we do what we want to do or do what we need to do?   

I think I am afraid I am holding our family back due to my limitations.  

Wheels keep turning. 

I remember an Eddie brickell song from my college days.  Some days when I seem to be doing so many different things I am amazed that my wheels keep turning and turning. 

  
So much keeps coming up.   We keep moving throughout our days and still seem to be in a surreal world. Sometimes moving slow as we try to grasp the reconnection with chris daughter.  

Some days our lives seem so filled we almost forget that a miraculous thing has happened.  

To me it feels so huge that I have to remind myself not to talk about it everywhere all the time to everyone.  I struggle to know when to talk about it and when to keep in in me.  

It fills so much of my thoughts when I’m not thinking about all the tasks I have on my too do list.  

 

What I have. 

Relationships are amazing.  So can last a life time.  Some can last a few moments.  The relationships we have sometimes come an and out of our lives like the weather.  For awhile they are like a warm fire on a cool evening.  Or a cool breeze that passes your face when it’s 115 degrees.   Relationships and weather can change quickly or slowly and then change again.  

I have been blessed by so many relationships in my life.  Sometimes I feel like I am growing up again with my children.   I see there relationship grow sometimes then splinter then evolve again.  The drama that occurs in relationships can be hard for me. And as a parent it is hard to see the pain and confusion as my girls grow their relationships.  

Watching our girls relationship move from one day to the next. It can warm my heart and hurt my heart.   When they are supporting each other my heart feels warm and alive and I have such happiness that they have each other and will always have each other.  When they fight, it reminds me of some cold evenings in nature that my heart and bones feels like they could turn to ice and break easily. 

I have been blessed to have close relationships with some friends for over thirty years.  But I find even those friends I might have had when I was five six ten fifteen twenty two thirty eight.  Some still cross my mind and heart sometimes and make me reflect on who I was, where are they or how are they.  When I hear of people who had been in my world at one point, are struggling: I feel sadness.  One of my good friends sad  “sometimes our greatest asset can be our worst asset”. I have found his to be true often in my life.  Empathy for others often can get me in a bind.  Knowing and hearing others sorrows and pain can really touch my heart. 

The gift of Monica finding her way back to chris and Michele and all of us who have loved her like a character in a good book or movie.  Sometimes when learning of a character. I have a need to know is this based on truth or  fiction.  To seem to figure out more about the character and how to connect with the story or experience that I am learning about. 

For many years, A child had been like a character in a story I had learned.   I can vividly remember learning about her from chris and taking about her over the years.   At a time before we had children of our own when I would think or dream of our chris and i’s future.  I could see it with or without children of our own. Knowing he already had a child out there.  If I thought of our lives without children I could see us experiencing and loving children in other ways then parenting.  Finding work with children like we had both done before. Or loving the children that came to us through friends and families around us.  Of course this happened.  

But we also were lucky to ecperience having children of our own.  As well as got to help some nephews along the way.   

In the early years of our life’s we talked more about the child chris had given away as an act of love so long ago. If sadness seemed in around him, I would wonder if she was a part of it.  Knowing that sometimes the sadness we feel is wrapped by so many things that it can’t pinpoint what all it might be about. 

Then other things happened I. Our lives and we didn’t think or talk about her much. Though she was still in our hearts and mind somewhere deep indies. 

I had not been feeling well earlier this year.  My head hurt so bad.  I had spent most of my day at my doctors even though I felt pulled to work.  But I could barely see straight. I knew part of my pain was emotional based due to a movie called duchess that had brought up all sorts of emotions.  I think I had watched it Friday and Saturday.  I wasnt.sleeping well.  My pain seemed to come from physical and emotional pains that run deep through me.    

I made it through the day.  Took some meds and was prepared to get some rest and feel better.  

Chris came in with a sense of urgency, fear and wonderment.  

We knew immediately what was ahead. And it was exciting and so much more. 

So much surrounds us with the journeys we have had and he ones we have yet to have.  It is fun to know that we have another daughter to add to the journey.  

She’s not fictional or mythical.  She’s beautiful seems kind and genuine.  And we get the gift of learning more as out her with every experience we get to have with her. 

I am sure it will be similar to some of the relationships I have had some times they are deep and connected and other times their might be a distance.  But there is always love. And the love picks up right where we left it.  The love is in our hearts minds bones and to the souk of who we are.  

I am so happy the lovely child chris and Michele gave to the world so long ago has found her way back to our world.  Monica will forever be a part of us all. 

Just like many of those I love.   

   
   

11.2015. OHANA

We had an amazing weekend in New Orleans. We celebrated Chris’ first daughter, Monica’s wedding.  What a treat to attend the wedding of Dan and Monica.  This time last year, we didn’t even know who she was.

DREAM BIG!

The experience of Chris and Monica reuniting has been quite an experience for us all.  We process when we can.  Each at their own pace.  We will continue to process and reprocess this experience.  Perhaps forever.

wedding shower at  sar #2's

wedding shower at
sar #2’s

Stich reminds us again!   OHANA!!!!

Stich reminds us again!
OHANA!!!!

IMG_8571 IMG_8420

the tribe we surround ourselves with become our family

the tribe we surround ourselves with become our family

love these ladies!

love these ladies!

Sometimes my future is so bright, I gotta wear shades!

Sometimes my future is so bright, I gotta wear shades!

Who? What? Where? When?  Why?  Oh my!!!!!! Somethings in my eye?!!!

Who? What? Where? When? Why? Oh my!!!!!! Somethings in my eye?!!!

Genetics?

Genetics?

AcaAmazing!!!     AcaMiraculous! AcaOverwhelming AcaSpectacular AcaLoveForever!

AcaAmazing!!!
AcaMiraculous!
AcaOverwhelming
AcaSpectacular
AcaLoveForever!

oh my.  blink.blink.

oh my. blink.blink.

sarah smiles.  some say i look the same as i did many moons ago.  i would disagree but I will say thank you and move on

sarah smiles. some say i look the same as i did many moons ago. i would disagree but I will say thank you and move on

mr cab driver.   307 lane please.

mr cab driver.
307 lane please.

Mothers and daughters. Oh my!

Mothers and daughters. Oh my!

Masked men and  women rock!

Masked men and
women rock!

Who doesn't love a good photobomb?

Who doesn’t love a good photobomb?

new orleans. city park. a while ago?!!!

new orleans. city park.
a while ago?!!!

Sarah Smiles celebrating another year in her 40s!

Sarah Smiles celebrating another year in her 40s!

2015.Shepard.Pitot. Renunion.  Monica gets added to the family tree!

2015.Shepard.Pitot. Renunion. Monica gets added to the family tree!

I love goofballs!

I love goofballs!

I love to see  goofballs smile!

I love to see
goofballs smile!

Fayetteville Farnets continue to evolve!   2.4.5.6 who do you love.  Farnet's love them all

Fayetteville Farnets continue to evolve!
2.4.5.6 who do you love. Farnet’s love them all

Aca.Mothers!

Aca.Mothers!

WWWWandW?   Love them all?!

WWWWandW?
Love them all?!

Monica and Pawpaw.   Love them both.   Who would have dreamed we would see this dance?!!!

Monica and Pawpaw.
Love them both.
Who would have dreamed we would see this dance?!!!

Butterfly & MoonBeam!

Butterfly & MoonBeam!

Mothers and daughters.  All gorgeous!  Look forward to knowing them all better!

Mothers and daughters. All gorgeous! Look forward to knowing them all better!

love these goofballs!

love these goofballs!

renee.chris.sarah. trip to new orleans to attend monica and dans wedding

renee.chris.sarah.
trip to new orleans to attend monica and dans wedding

expectations  means so much in so many different ways to so many

expectations
means so much in so many different ways to so many

Oh my

Oh my

once again.  OHANA!

once again. OHANA!

11.1.15 Sarah.Smiles. All Saints Day

All Saints Day!  Dream Big!  Who know?!

wedding shower at sar #2's

wedding shower at
sar #2’s

IMG_8420

Stich reminds us again! OHANA!!!!

Stich reminds us again!
OHANA!!!!

IMG_8571

the tribe we surround ourselves with become our family

the tribe we surround ourselves with become our family

love these ladies!

love these ladies!

Sometimes my future is so bright, I gotta wear shades!

Sometimes my future is so bright, I gotta wear shades!

Who? What? Where? When? Why? Oh my!!!!!! Somethings in my eye?!!!

Who? What? Where? When? Why? Oh my!!!!!! Somethings in my eye?!!!

Genetics?

Genetics?

AcaAmazing!!! AcaMiraculous! AcaOverwhelming AcaSpectacular AcaLoveForever!

AcaAmazing!!!
AcaMiraculous!
AcaOverwhelming
AcaSpectacular
AcaLoveForever!

oh my. blink.blink.

oh my. blink.blink.

sarah smiles. some say i look the same as i did many moons ago. i would disagree but I will say thank you and move on

sarah smiles. some say i look the same as i did many moons ago. i would disagree but I will say thank you and move on

mr cab driver. 307 lane please.

mr cab driver.
307 lane please.

Mothers and daughters. Oh my!

Mothers and daughters. Oh my!

Masked men and women rock!

Masked men and
women rock!

Who doesn't love a good photobomb?

Who doesn’t love a good photobomb?

new orleans. city park. a while ago?!!!

new orleans. city park.
a while ago?!!!

Sarah Smiles celebrating another year in her 40s!

Sarah Smiles celebrating another year in her 40s!

2015.Shepard.Pitot. Renunion. Monica gets added to the family tree!

2015.Shepard.Pitot. Renunion. Monica gets added to the family tree!

I love goofballs!

I love goofballs!

I love to see goofballs smile!

I love to see
goofballs smile!

Fayetteville Farnets continue to evolve! 2.4.5.6 who do you love. Farnet's love them all

Fayetteville Farnets continue to evolve!
2.4.5.6 who do you love. Farnet’s love them all

Aca.Mothers!

Aca.Mothers!

WWWWandW? Love them all?!

WWWWandW?
Love them all?!

Monica and Pawpaw. Love them both. Who would have dreamed we would see this dance?!!!

Monica and Pawpaw.
Love them both.
Who would have dreamed we would see this dance?!!!

Butterfly & MoonBeam!

Butterfly & MoonBeam!

Mothers and daughters. All gorgeous! Look forward to knowing them all better!

Mothers and daughters. All gorgeous! Look forward to knowing them all better!

love these goofballs!

love these goofballs!

2015. fayetteville farnets grow in size and love!

2015.
fayetteville farnets grow in size and love!

renee.chris.sarah. trip to new orleans to attend monica and dans wedding

renee.chris.sarah.
trip to new orleans to attend monica and dans wedding

expectations means so much in so many different ways to so many

expectations
means so much in so many different ways to so many

Oh my

Oh my

once again. OHANA!

once again. OHANA!

Blink! Blink!  Oh my!

Sarah Smiles among all the aca-overwhelming, aka-amazing,

aka-chaotic, aka-fabulous, aka-glorious moments!.

Circles.  

As chris prepares for his colonoscopy, I find the letter Karla gave us for our renee. Explaining a bit about who chris sister was?  I only had the opportunity to meet her a handful of times.  I was/am so thankful to have these thoughts and memories.