What I have. 

Relationships are amazing.  So can last a life time.  Some can last a few moments.  The relationships we have sometimes come an and out of our lives like the weather.  For awhile they are like a warm fire on a cool evening.  Or a cool breeze that passes your face when it’s 115 degrees.   Relationships and weather can change quickly or slowly and then change again.  

I have been blessed by so many relationships in my life.  Sometimes I feel like I am growing up again with my children.   I see there relationship grow sometimes then splinter then evolve again.  The drama that occurs in relationships can be hard for me. And as a parent it is hard to see the pain and confusion as my girls grow their relationships.  

Watching our girls relationship move from one day to the next. It can warm my heart and hurt my heart.   When they are supporting each other my heart feels warm and alive and I have such happiness that they have each other and will always have each other.  When they fight, it reminds me of some cold evenings in nature that my heart and bones feels like they could turn to ice and break easily. 

I have been blessed to have close relationships with some friends for over thirty years.  But I find even those friends I might have had when I was five six ten fifteen twenty two thirty eight.  Some still cross my mind and heart sometimes and make me reflect on who I was, where are they or how are they.  When I hear of people who had been in my world at one point, are struggling: I feel sadness.  One of my good friends sad  “sometimes our greatest asset can be our worst asset”. I have found his to be true often in my life.  Empathy for others often can get me in a bind.  Knowing and hearing others sorrows and pain can really touch my heart. 

The gift of Monica finding her way back to chris and Michele and all of us who have loved her like a character in a good book or movie.  Sometimes when learning of a character. I have a need to know is this based on truth or  fiction.  To seem to figure out more about the character and how to connect with the story or experience that I am learning about. 

For many years, A child had been like a character in a story I had learned.   I can vividly remember learning about her from chris and taking about her over the years.   At a time before we had children of our own when I would think or dream of our chris and i’s future.  I could see it with or without children of our own. Knowing he already had a child out there.  If I thought of our lives without children I could see us experiencing and loving children in other ways then parenting.  Finding work with children like we had both done before. Or loving the children that came to us through friends and families around us.  Of course this happened.  

But we also were lucky to ecperience having children of our own.  As well as got to help some nephews along the way.   

In the early years of our life’s we talked more about the child chris had given away as an act of love so long ago. If sadness seemed in around him, I would wonder if she was a part of it.  Knowing that sometimes the sadness we feel is wrapped by so many things that it can’t pinpoint what all it might be about. 

Then other things happened I. Our lives and we didn’t think or talk about her much. Though she was still in our hearts and mind somewhere deep indies. 

I had not been feeling well earlier this year.  My head hurt so bad.  I had spent most of my day at my doctors even though I felt pulled to work.  But I could barely see straight. I knew part of my pain was emotional based due to a movie called duchess that had brought up all sorts of emotions.  I think I had watched it Friday and Saturday.  I wasnt.sleeping well.  My pain seemed to come from physical and emotional pains that run deep through me.    

I made it through the day.  Took some meds and was prepared to get some rest and feel better.  

Chris came in with a sense of urgency, fear and wonderment.  

We knew immediately what was ahead. And it was exciting and so much more. 

So much surrounds us with the journeys we have had and he ones we have yet to have.  It is fun to know that we have another daughter to add to the journey.  

She’s not fictional or mythical.  She’s beautiful seems kind and genuine.  And we get the gift of learning more as out her with every experience we get to have with her. 

I am sure it will be similar to some of the relationships I have had some times they are deep and connected and other times their might be a distance.  But there is always love. And the love picks up right where we left it.  The love is in our hearts minds bones and to the souk of who we are.  

I am so happy the lovely child chris and Michele gave to the world so long ago has found her way back to our world.  Monica will forever be a part of us all. 

Just like many of those I love.   


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