Me me me

I recall a friend from elementary and high school named meme. I remember in elementary school at some point she was raising her hand saying me! Me! When the teacher was asking for a volunteer. Someone in her class said now I know how she got her name. Her real name wasn’t meme but that’s what she was called for years. The last time I saw her she was in town visiting her family and she was at the park with some of her nieces. It was so good to see her. Her father died recently. but I wasn’t able to go to his funeral. It’s weird that I sometimes can do them and sometimes can’t. Our lives are so busy and sometimes I recognize that I choose not to go to something to meet others needs. Not my own needs. As I am trying to get out of town to go to harrisons cabin for a couple days of spring break. I am met with frustrations by those around me. As long as I am saying yes and agreeing to those around me all is good. Once I ask for help or suggest something I seem to be met with debates or discussion on how I should do it different or not do something. Or with the kids saying do I have to? Maybe I should get better at saying I don’t have to. I don’t have to rush to get out of town. I don’t have to rush to get work that I need to do for. I dont t have to rush to consider other jobs or options. I want to go look at s pi cw of proooerty that I think we could buy with part of my 401k or start a business with my 401k. But if I attempt to discuss with chris I am met with frustration. Like I have to justify and sell him o. Every thought or idea I have. If I want to rearrange our home. It’s like I have to get approval from chris and the girls. And if I do it then they just bitch and moan and rearrange. Or if I say I to fill up the car with gas I get an argument because the gas station near our house is 25 cent more then other place. But if I am saying yes to manfest or weekend and my Emery’s cabin doing trails or working st harrisons cabin or taking girls to silver dollar City. All good. But if I want a trip somewhere or something I feel a mug great let need to justify it all. If I want to go to a movie everyday I seem like I shouldn’t. Maybe I should. I know I should. As I move through this season of my life it will be interesting to see what I decide to do for me and my family. Some times being selfish is needed for self preservation.

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