So I’m at the cabin with Harrisons and the girls to celebrate Abbie’s birthday. Silver dollar City tomorrow. Also know as spend your dollars, steal your dollars or the Disney of the Ozarks. Chris is at Hugo’s with a friend who I have known since high school. I voice my jealousy. Then my child, says I should go home. Knowing Chris is hoping to go work on trails at Emery’s property this weekend. One minute he says I should do whatever I want then when I try he questions my decisions or actions. On the way in town, I hope that I will look at some property that could maybe be ours. Though he doesn’t want to consider these options while I consider that a big chuck of my 401k cane from my parents. Therefore I have considered using it to start a business or buy property that could one day be a great investment or a vrbo. While chris is ready to be south yesterday. Where we have committed to being here for at least the next four years for the girls to finish college. I like the idea of having property here that is not connected to my family. I am attempting to set boundaries with myself and those around me. Attempting to determine what I need to do for myself. Focus on me. As my counselor says you are in a bit of identity crisis. Sounds about right. My support group says find your answers. Find your truth. It’s yours to know. Chris will say what will it change. Then he will say well maybe you should find out for our children. I’m sooo scared. I really hope my suspicions aren’t true. But like the born with teeth story. Will I still questions the results of a search to trust the answers. I have learned that the adoption world was so say whatever you have to and then do whatever they want. I had a weird wonder recently wondering more about Jane Adams the founder of social work. I wonder if she had any connection to my Adams family. Never really understood people who did genealogy. But have been having a big pull toward learning more about that. So for now. We will wait and see.