Memorial Day. 2018

Remember. For those that have served and died fighting for our country thank you. For those who currently are serving to help others. Thank you. My father was a World War II veteran. Often in my life I wondered about his past. I remember Bill being sad that dad would not talk about his time at war. I heard a few of his stories. But it was definitely something that he wanted to revisit or share. I imagine he experience a lot during his time in the war. He had signed up early to go to fight. His family had to sign so he could go. His family had experience lots of hardships. My dad explained that he would come home to find that they had been kicked out of their living situation. His siblings had to be separated sometimes due to their families circumstances. My dad also shared stories of hearing a car backfire and feeling like he was at war again. He often slept with a gun under is pillow. I would lay down to visit with my mom and my hand would slip under the pillow and I would feel the gun. My father’s gun scared me from a young age. I was awoke to hear my parents fighting. And my mom screaming at him to put the gun away. I never went out of the room. A brother may have intervened. No child should have to stop their parent from using a weapon in a threatening manner. But sometimes they do so that tragedy doesn’t occur. Unfortunately tragedy is a piece of life. My father’s life was filled with tragedies. Poverty, war, illnesses, betrayal, abuse and many more things that I can’t even imagine. As I grew up I often tried to understand my fathers behavior. Often wondering about nature and nurture. Fascinated by that piece of humans lives. Are we affected more by nature or more by nurture. My rational mind knows it’s both. I recall having some comfort sometimes in my life thinking I am not like anyone in our family. And some fantasy about another family. My adoption story included siblings and parents. I knew they were in a time of trials when my birth occurred. I often had a desire to see my mother. I wanted to know what she looked like. When I was younger I wanted to just see her. As I grew older I had different desires of the possibility of learning more about my birth family. Medical history? Thank you? So many reasons. And so many reasons I never wanted to search. I stuffed the emotions questions and things related to my adoption. For whatever reasons the stuffing has been harder and harder. And things continue to happen that make me stuff or push my needs to the bottom of the list

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